Today as I write this, my heart feels many things – including ‘hurts’ Not for any specific reason.
It simply feels.
Maybe your first response is to wonder what’s wrong with me, what caused these feelings? How do I resolve them?
Maybe you are simply curious, or open to see where this goes.
I share this with you because I feel there is something in this exploration.
As I began writing this post, I opened my heart and asked myself to share what would most benefit both me in the writing of it, and you in the reading of it.
And so, together we take the journey of this post, and this feeling heart.
Now, for me, feelings have a teaching role in my life.
Sometimes these feelings feel wonderful, and other times they feel like pain.
In the past, when I felt feelings like this, I would immediately jump into action to ‘fix’ the feelings.
I would read, meditate, run, distract, do anything to change it. Anything that would help me relieve the feelings.
Sometimes it would feel like it had worked. Of course, at some point or another, the feelings came back – and the cycle would start again.
It was a maddening experience.
The farther I ran, the more I would be confronted with these feelings.
In order to manage the feelings I attempted to give them forms. I assigned what felt good, what felt bad. I would run from one towards the other.
They matched my speed.
At some point, I resolved to accept them – but there was still this dissonance. Even under my ‘acceptance’ I found really more masked rejection. Acceptance as a way to try to avoid. The veneer would crack when the acceptance didn’t give me the desired relief.
The cleanest way through, I have found, is inwards.
Into the feeling. It is a death of sorts, a willing surrender.
There is no promise of where, what, or how emergence looks.
There is however, no more running. There is embrace, alchemy.
The transmutation that comes when we trust deeply in ourselves, even in the very face of the unknown, is what frees us and connects us into a deeper rhythm of our lives.
I believe that our greatest issues with emotions and feelings are ultimately our selective rejection of them
Embracing ourselves in this way is connecting ourselves to our truest nature to explore and revel in all experiences of life. .
And with that, here I am. My heart feels, I feel, and so it is. It is welcome here.
With this feeling, even that I could interpret as pain, I also feel peace, curiosity, open, introspective. I feel withdrawl, unknown. I feel deeper chasms of myself to explore.
Observe, feel allow be gentle with yourself, trust the cycle the movement. I am alert to inspired action, otherwise, I float and keep my eyes open for my next opportunity. There’s no need to push it.
There is a cycle to all things. The more are aware of the timing of it, the less energy we spend pushing against life, and how we feel about life. The more we can take decisive action, and enjoy the space in between – feelings and all.
May we all embrace this unknown when it enters our lives and remember our natural connection to well being.
Thank you for exploring with me, my friend. Sharing with you has been insightful for me – I hope it has served you as well.