awakening 2017

Encouragement : Embracing struggle and seeing your illusions and integrating yourself and a personal story of facilitation.

I haven’t been felt drawn to share many words lately – so today I share this one with you: Encouragement.

We see you and feel you. This is and has been a time of great upheaval for many of us.

For those of us who have already had major upheavals earlier this year or in earlier times, you may be feeling tremendously peaceful and at ease.

There are two sides of the spectrum that seem to be represented in full force right now 🙂

At this now moment, I am peace and ease.

For me, life is a joy. There is nothing at this time I feel fear of or want for beyond this joyful ever present moment.

It has been a unique journey to sit here so fully as I am now.

And yet, I am not attached to this state. I sit here fully aware of my multidimensional Self, and am willing to be all – light and dark, chaos and order, life and death, joy and sorrow, centered and off centered.
Who I AM is not defined by my state, my material status, who I am with, or anything else you could see touch or feel. I AM as I AM – and this is all I need to be. All else is a curious exploration – and in this state I am allowing my exploration and my freedom.

In my willingness to BE, in my ‘lack of resistance’ to the flow of life, I have found peace.


I will share with you a personal experience in the spirit of facilitating any aspect of your integration:

Earlier these last few years was a time of great struggle and upheaval for me as I came face to face with some of my deepest illusions.

It didn’t have to be struggle, mind you, yet I was not willing at the time to accept those parts of myself I had deemed ‘unacceptable’

I have spent most of my life and lives focusing on heightening my awareness, and yet in that pursuit (perhaps in one of the most funny and ironic ways) I had over the years “temporarily healed away or pushed away’ those things I thought I didn’t like about myself.

Stubbornness, distracted, feelings of insignificance or unworthiness, the drive to always be ‘high consciousness’ – these are things that I had ignored in one form or another.

I found myself face to face with my illusions in the most spectacular way.

I had no where else to go, no where else to look.

I did everything I could to try to push it all away – everything except for accept it.

I tried to find all these external ways to fix my ‘problem’ I tried to hide behind business, or hide behind friendships, love, fitness – etc.

I came up with strategies to ensure I would always feel good.

And in my search and struggle to ensure everything would be okay, and I could “CONTROL” my experience, somewhere in there my peace was thrown out.

It was very exhausting to try to use my mind to curate my life.

I feel many of us do this, out of a well meaning form of self love – what else is there to do? We want to be loved, and for a long time, it felt like ‘survival of the fittest’ and only the top few get the power, the abundance, etc while the rest struggle and claw for scraps.

The life I was perceiving around me was in complete opposition to everything I felt was true in my heart.

It felt insane. I felt insane.

I started to want to die, to leave the planet, it was too much. I am a being of love – and this place felt like it punished love and joy in favor of trickery and charades.

I tried – and then found I could not ignore my truth to ‘do what it takes to make it in the world’ the way it was currently set up to my human perception.

I knew I had to live by my truth – live or die – there was nothing else I could stomach.

I remember crying out in my car one day, sobbing to the divine – why did you leave me here? What purpose could you have for me in this world where I dont seem to fit in?

It was around this time I began to be connected – serendipitous – with various works, tools, and teachers.

Since I was born, I was raised on the teachings of Paramahansa Yoganada.

I then emerged into “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and “Loving what is” by Byron Katie

These tools were some of the starting points and portals that helped me transcend a limited perception of reality into a wider scope.

As I explored deeper, I was connected with more and more material, with concepts spanning from fractal realities to multidimensional awareness – only instead of reading about it, I began to experience it.

Through my journey there were many ups and downs. Belief structures were dismantled, and built, and dismantled again.

I experienced the value in having beliefs, without being attached to them.
I learned to embrace change, chaos, and not knowing. Being uncertain was not something I enjoyed. I learned to love the uncertainty, and allow myself to be at peace in the void.

Everything I experienced always happened in perfect timing. We could try to say “I made it happen” but that would only be a fraction of the truth. A part of the perspective.

From the fullest perspective, as I resonated, so creation resonated with me.

I shaped my reality as I placed my focus. There was a gigantic ball of ‘energetic yarn’ to consider – there is more than one layer or level of awareness I am playing at – that we are all playing at.

And I learned that I’m not here to ‘control it all with my mind’ – while I am shaping it, it is out of love and my joyful state of being that all is created. It is simple – if not always easy.

I am currently being a human in a human experience – along with you. We are divinity, we are oneness, we are perfection, and we are choosing to experience ‘individual human consciousness simultaneously as a perspective of simulated separation for the sake of experience” – it a paradox that is beyond the understanding of the human mind – that you can tap into awareness in your unified heart.


This is much to share, and this is what came out to be shared. I share this experience of myself with you with the understanding that we all have our divine experiences here.

There is no ‘before and after’ story. As I said earlier, I am as I am NOW and in each now moment. There is no attachment to my state.

I am openness to what is – and I chose this state through a portal of love, and allowing, and integration – Soul Alchemy.

You have this open to you as well. And if you are not there yet and want to be there, the first step is to LOVE YOU AS YOU ARE NOW.

🙂 This is the secret-not-so-secret portal to your peace.

My life changed when I became clear on my highest goal: TO love myself, to love my life, and love ALL of my brothers, sisters, and everything else inbetween – unconditionally now and always.

All else is second.

My united joy, my state, my love and respect for myself and how I feel is first – and in this perspective all of creation is included. For in loving Self, all of us are included.

I encourage you to choose clarity on what you want most in your life.

Not on what you think you need to compromise so you can get what you think you want.

What do you want NOW. Who are you truly in your heart and soul.
Give yourself permission to be that NOW and always -before anything else. Be willing to walk out of a life or situation that is no longer all that you are, and step into the fullness of who you BE.

Live your truth on every level – and all of creation rises to meet you <3

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